Sunday, January 15, 2012

Spleen—Ecclesiastical, More Music Edition

For Part 1 of this series, see below.

After last week's post, I thought I was done venting about church music, but I was wrong. So here I am, bile ducts aquiver, ready to fulminate again.

4. Stuff That In Your Peace Pipe and Smoke It. Today at church we turned from the Christmas/Epiphany repertory back to the usual stuff; you know, the stuff that hardly makes it to mediocre. Here's the lineup:

  1. Entrance "hymn": "Gather Us In"
  2. Offertory: "At the Table of the World"
  3. Communion: So lame I can't remember which, but I think one of them was by David Haas. 'Nough said.
  4. Parade to the door: "They'll Know We Are Christians by Our Love"
So after working up the "courage to enter the song," we ask the Holy Spirit, "hurricane and breath," to "take us on a journey of love." I can't say that hurricanes have much sacred resonance for me; the journeys they usually take folks on are often detrimental to their health. And anyway, going on a "journey of love" is about as meaningful as entering "the song."

But, as is so often the case, the best (or in this case the worst) was saved for last: the incomparable "They'll Know We Are Christians by Our Love". The passage of time has not dimmed the luster of this 44-year-old classic. I remember commiserating with a friend (now a priest) about the horrors of this one back in the day, when it was fresh from the composer's pen. I think of it as "The Tom-Tom Song." It is the sort of thing that used to be sung in those Hollywood horse operas so unfair to native Americans. Remember them gathering around the fire, tomahawks in hand, and dancing with up-and-down arm motions to the beat of the drums? Its relentless rhythms, its breathtakingly banal lyrics and its rather smug self-satisfaction (after all, it's all about us, isn't it?) make it a strong contender for Bonaventura's Worst Liturgical Song Award.

Some Sunday, when I haven't taken my meds, I'll bring a headdress and a rubber tomahawk to church, just in case. And if and when the organ introduces The Tom-Tom Song, I'll be ready.

To be continued, but not, I hope about music. . . . 



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2 comments:

  1. The Bovina BloviatorJanuary 16, 2012 at 1:30 PM

    My dear Bonaventura,

    I post not only to add amen, amen (and you know well my feelings on the music-product at your chapel of convenience) but also to assure your readers you do not exaggerate in the slightest. If anything you are far too sparing in your description of the bedlam and cacophony. My only hope is when the last of your stellar brood is packed off to college, thus freeing you up to get about more, you and the better half might venture some Sunday down to Holy Innocents Church to witness Holy Mass in its awesome and mystical beauty.

    A passing thought: the "Tom-Tom Song" reminds this reader of the pre-PC offical song of the Cleveland Indians, "Indian Fever." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xzhj2ev0Xwo

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    1. BonaventuraJanuary 16, 2012 at 2:25 PM

      Thanks, BB. Someday, I'm sure we'll be liberated from our present aesthetic dungeon. In the meanwhile, the Much, Much Better Half has challenged me to list the positives about our chapel. So stay tuned. They will come, but after even more bitter complaining.

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